[She also knows that feeling of helplessness, comparable to a slow drown in heavy waters. Her life mission was simply to follow the orders of the Church, a lost purpose here where no hunt mattered. So she tried to live on by helping others in any ways that she could, but after over a year and a half of watching some of the closest people she's known get hurt and become droned - and often enough, return without memories, she's been in the low ends of that slump. Ineffectiveness. Worthlessness. Uselessness. Pointlessness. Knowing that nothing here will likely matter once she returns home didn't help matters, when she's personally experienced 'going home' once and clearly recalls herself never having thought back a single time to a place called 'Mayfield' in America. Those new experiences from home weren't false either, she confirmed the memories with Merem, which leads to the conclusion that nothing here matters.
But you must move on. Whatever she does here will still impact others who are also present for as long as their stay will permit. No matter how many she knew and held close were to be lost, she can't let it get to her again, because there will always be others to take their place - even if they won't be quite as dear. As long as she's still here, her actions will affect the people around her trapped in the same way. Charles harbored severe issues dealing with loss, too. He takes it extremely hard and can only express it through violent ways. The whole reason why she came the closest to kill anyone in this town without the influence of a city-wide irregularity was to calm him down and drag him back in line. For Abel, though...
He couldn't pull the trigger. She needed no other flaring neon sign to indicate just how capital it may be for her to stay well and alive near him. She already had to reach to pull him back from self-destruction. It doesn't matter if someone else can do it too if she's to 'step out', he shouldn't be permitted to lose himself again in the first place anyhow. They may not care about lethal injuries individually, but she well realizes how this changes when they're not on their own. That's why she has to be alert, for both their sakes. ...Hah. How ironic, that the one who acts alone is capable of being just as collected and functional in company of others. She's no leader either, far preferring to follow. But when she must step up... she supposes that she will.
The palm on his heart is withdrawn, and the fingers that held his face are slipping off his jawline. There's a very faint sound of scrunching as a piece of paper is unfolded. Still watching him patiently with care and concern, she holds the slip out for him to get a clear read:
Be there for him when he wakes up.
Short, simple, and to the point. She opted to not specify because there's no way he can not know whom this is referring to. That's his task. Go back to Mayfield and wait, so that he'll be at Cain's side when the boy stirs from revival. He's berating himself now? She'd berate him further personally once she recovers speech if he's so insecure that he can't even be present to say 'good morning' to his own family after a rough week, him who wears his doofus smile so effortlessly any other time of the week. Because it'd matter then, the small things add up, and it's the least that he can do to keep his promise alive. Honestly, that never died - to protect someone isn't just about keeping them breathing, it's also to always be ready to help and support them by any means possible whenever it's needed. That's why he has to live and go back: Cain will need him once he opens his eyes, and Abel isn't going to have a shred of an excuse to his name if he's absent when that time comes. Her eyes would have turned eerily sober too by then, complete with a tiny frown of reproach. That'll be one morning that he's not allowed to skip out on, this is what he must do after following her out. Is that clear, now?]
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But you must move on. Whatever she does here will still impact others who are also present for as long as their stay will permit. No matter how many she knew and held close were to be lost, she can't let it get to her again, because there will always be others to take their place - even if they won't be quite as dear. As long as she's still here, her actions will affect the people around her trapped in the same way. Charles harbored severe issues dealing with loss, too. He takes it extremely hard and can only express it through violent ways. The whole reason why she came the closest to kill anyone in this town without the influence of a city-wide irregularity was to calm him down and drag him back in line. For Abel, though...
He couldn't pull the trigger. She needed no other flaring neon sign to indicate just how capital it may be for her to stay well and alive near him. She already had to reach to pull him back from self-destruction. It doesn't matter if someone else can do it too if she's to 'step out', he shouldn't be permitted to lose himself again in the first place anyhow. They may not care about lethal injuries individually, but she well realizes how this changes when they're not on their own. That's why she has to be alert, for both their sakes. ...Hah. How ironic, that the one who acts alone is capable of being just as collected and functional in company of others. She's no leader either, far preferring to follow. But when she must step up... she supposes that she will.
The palm on his heart is withdrawn, and the fingers that held his face are slipping off his jawline. There's a very faint sound of scrunching as a piece of paper is unfolded. Still watching him patiently with care and concern, she holds the slip out for him to get a clear read:
Be there for him when he wakes up.
Short, simple, and to the point. She opted to not specify because there's no way he can not know whom this is referring to. That's his task. Go back to Mayfield and wait, so that he'll be at Cain's side when the boy stirs from revival. He's berating himself now? She'd berate him further personally once she recovers speech if he's so insecure that he can't even be present to say 'good morning' to his own family after a rough week, him who wears his doofus smile so effortlessly any other time of the week. Because it'd matter then, the small things add up, and it's the least that he can do to keep his promise alive. Honestly, that never died - to protect someone isn't just about keeping them breathing, it's also to always be ready to help and support them by any means possible whenever it's needed. That's why he has to live and go back: Cain will need him once he opens his eyes, and Abel isn't going to have a shred of an excuse to his name if he's absent when that time comes. Her eyes would have turned eerily sober too by then, complete with a tiny frown of reproach. That'll be one morning that he's not allowed to skip out on, this is what he must do after following her out. Is that clear, now?]