[this truly is the worst time to lose a crucial means of communication, isn't it...? Ciel has always had poor luck, and it would seem that now is no exception.
Ciel's memories as 'Elesia' are ones she should treasure, and she's well aware of this fact. perhaps it truly is more cruel this way -- possessing the memory of what she wanted so badly to have again and knowing that she would never attain it... not ever as it was. perhaps, not even close, however much she might yearn and repent and move forward on the road she's chosen.
even though it hadn't been her fault it was taken away at all. even if losing it all had done terrible things to her she never deserved in Elesia's child-like innocence...
...
the fact that despite this reality -- despite everything that she's endured, everything she's suffered and lost and yearned for -- she can still face the future unfaltering and with true steel in her spine says a great deal about the woman in front of him, now. the compassion in her eyes alongside it says even more, even if he isn't watching the way her expression softens once he's dropped a pathetic last effort to chase her away from him. Ciel...
he's deflated, the rigidity of his posture completely leaked right out of him. his eyes facing the future are not as clear as hers. everything has grown terribly clouded, his vision obscured by doubt and fear like a pitiful child. no matter what he does -- how hard he tries, how hard he fights and struggles and rages against the tide, in the end--
the result is always the same.
...they all suffer. every single one of them will be hurt, taken apart bit by bit... and that's if fate is kind. if not...
perhaps they'd simply disappear forever. one of these days, the natural order will not be bastardized... one of these days...
it'll all go back to the way it should be, and everything along the way will be completely lost...
...his purpose had been so clear. it was whole-hearted and perhaps even pure-hearted; he wanted to protect them. that's all. that is the only thing he intended, the only thing he had to see through no matter what it cost him -- protect them. his promise to -her- had been so simple in theory. he had promised her -- the day he left Lilith's crypt, he swore that he would protect the humans, that he would never let anyone he loved suffer like she had. like Cain had. he would never let anyone suffer in front of him again. he would do -everything- in his power to keep them safe, to preserve their life, to hold them upright when their knees were weak and to spill his blood if it saved them theirs.
so...
now...
his heart is panging hard, flighty under her hand -- chest rising and falling more quickly than it should. he is afraid like the coward he is. he's afraid...
if he can't fulfill his promise to her-- if he can do nothing but watch them all die, watch them suffer and grieve and be erased, even if they might return again -- to expire in new and different ways, terrible and heartless ways -- h... ow, is he...
...how is... he supposed to--?
Cain is gone, Ciel. he promised he would always be safe with him... he had been right in reach-- he just...]
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Ciel's memories as 'Elesia' are ones she should treasure, and she's well aware of this fact. perhaps it truly is more cruel this way -- possessing the memory of what she wanted so badly to have again and knowing that she would never attain it... not ever as it was. perhaps, not even close, however much she might yearn and repent and move forward on the road she's chosen.
even though it hadn't been her fault it was taken away at all. even if losing it all had done terrible things to her she never deserved in Elesia's child-like innocence...
...
the fact that despite this reality -- despite everything that she's endured, everything she's suffered and lost and yearned for -- she can still face the future unfaltering and with true steel in her spine says a great deal about the woman in front of him, now. the compassion in her eyes alongside it says even more, even if he isn't watching the way her expression softens once he's dropped a pathetic last effort to chase her away from him. Ciel...
he's deflated, the rigidity of his posture completely leaked right out of him. his eyes facing the future are not as clear as hers. everything has grown terribly clouded, his vision obscured by doubt and fear like a pitiful child. no matter what he does -- how hard he tries, how hard he fights and struggles and rages against the tide, in the end--
the result is always the same.
...they all suffer. every single one of them will be hurt, taken apart bit by bit... and that's if fate is kind. if not...
perhaps they'd simply disappear forever. one of these days, the natural order will not be bastardized... one of these days...
it'll all go back to the way it should be, and everything along the way will be completely lost...
...his purpose had been so clear. it was whole-hearted and perhaps even pure-hearted; he wanted to protect them. that's all. that is the only thing he intended, the only thing he had to see through no matter what it cost him -- protect them. his promise to -her- had been so simple in theory. he had promised her -- the day he left Lilith's crypt, he swore that he would protect the humans, that he would never let anyone he loved suffer like she had. like Cain had. he would never let anyone suffer in front of him again. he would do -everything- in his power to keep them safe, to preserve their life, to hold them upright when their knees were weak and to spill his blood if it saved them theirs.
so...
now...
his heart is panging hard, flighty under her hand -- chest rising and falling more quickly than it should. he is afraid like the coward he is. he's afraid...
if he can't fulfill his promise to her-- if he can do nothing but watch them all die, watch them suffer and grieve and be erased, even if they might return again -- to expire in new and different ways, terrible and heartless ways -- h... ow, is he...
...how is... he supposed to--?
Cain is gone, Ciel. he promised he would always be safe with him... he had been right in reach-- he just...]