[once upon a time, there would have been no gouging holes in his armor, no chinks in that wall. no cracks to exploit. no hesitation.
...he wouldn't have pulled a gun.
and what he would've done instead would have left no doubts about the nature of the creature that he had been. none whatsoever.
it's exactly why all of this is wrong. all of this... these situations, these-- losses... he doesn't know what to do with himself. he doesn't understand how to deal. despite the long life he's lived, he learned very little about living it at all. he'd gone about it all wrong, the first time around... and it had taken losing it all for him to realize he had to erase it all, and start from scratch. burn away the old... leave all he knew behind.
what do I do, Ciel--?
it doesn't matter who he had been. it doesn't matter at all... none of that was helping him, now.
...how does anything just... keep going, after...
ah.
the barrel is shaking. the facade was over as soon as it had started in the face of her resolve. unlike his... hers hadn't cracked in the least...
...
it isn't long before the weapon drops completely before slipping from his fingers with a useless clatter. ...he can't stop her. she'll stand in his path with those patient eyes, the eyes she promised would always forgive him -- even if it was undeserved. there is nothing he can do to dissuade her. absolutely nothing.
...there is nothing he can do about any of this at all.]
no subject
...he wouldn't have pulled a gun.
and what he would've done instead would have left no doubts about the nature of the creature that he had been. none whatsoever.
it's exactly why all of this is wrong. all of this... these situations, these-- losses... he doesn't know what to do with himself. he doesn't understand how to deal. despite the long life he's lived, he learned very little about living it at all. he'd gone about it all wrong, the first time around... and it had taken losing it all for him to realize he had to erase it all, and start from scratch. burn away the old... leave all he knew behind.
what do I do, Ciel--?
it doesn't matter who he had been. it doesn't matter at all... none of that was helping him, now.
...how does anything just... keep going, after...
ah.
the barrel is shaking. the facade was over as soon as it had started in the face of her resolve. unlike his... hers hadn't cracked in the least...
...
it isn't long before the weapon drops completely before slipping from his fingers with a useless clatter. ...he can't stop her. she'll stand in his path with those patient eyes, the eyes she promised would always forgive him -- even if it was undeserved. there is nothing he can do to dissuade her. absolutely nothing.
...there is nothing he can do about any of this at all.]