[he makes a blanching noise from the back of his throat.] Just like that? Sheesh, talk about a letdown. Aren't stories like this supposed to end with both of the guys learning a big lesson about themselves and realizing that fighting is bad? That's sending out a bad message to kids.

[these are the only kind of stories he's used to, so.]

Well, let me guess: Emily hated his guts, right? There's only one kind of ending a story like this can have.

[namely a monumentally depressing one.]